I had a really intense dream last night. I should have gotten up and written it down as soon as I woke up, but I was trying to figure out if the dream meant something more. Here is what I remember….
I stood outside, dressed in a deep red robe, the same as everyone else. There were probably 100 or so of us there. Looking around, it made me think it looked a bit like something out of a Harry Potter book, except with adults. We were all attending some kind of retreat related to faith and God. We were there to learn and to attend seminars, workshops or classes. We had been separated into small groups for some group work as well and all around me were groups of 10 to 15 people. As I looked around, groups were sitting, walking or standing as they discussed various topics. There was a break in sessions and several people were taking the time to eat some lunch as well. The weather was nice even though the sky was fairly overcast. Sun still managed to shine down on us from time to time. The air felt comfortably warm but slightly damp and a little crisp, as if an ocean could be nearby.
The area we were in was outdoors in a gently sloping hillside nestled within a bit of a gully or a basin. There were buildings nearby, but none were visible from where I stood. All you could see from where we were, were 6 shelters lined up in pairs from one end of the open hillside down to the other. Beyond the last pair of shelters was simply open landscape covered in lush, green vegetation. Fall was starting to set in, so colors were starting to pop here and there. Each shelter was very simple in design with 4 square beams, one in each corner. The beams supported a simple roof that had been shingled to provide protection from rain. The height of the roof stood at about 10′ high at the lowest point and met at the middle in a peek. The shelters themselves were roughly 25′ wide by 40′ long. They looked pretty similar to any shelter you’d see at a park these days but higher and beneath it was just grass – no cement or separate flooring. The grass throughout the hillside and under the shelters was somewhat trampled and compressed due to the frequent foot traffic and groups sitting around in discussion. There was no furniture to be seen.
The leader of our group was Sharon. Her hair was blond and straight and bobbed inward toward her neck at about shoulder length. Just based on her looks, I’d say she was about 43. She seemed nice. Everyone at the retreat was either deep in some philosophical discussion or laughing and smiling about something. Our group was sharing our particular beliefs with one another. Many of the people in my group didn’t fully agree with what we’re taught about God and the Bible. Like me, they too felt there was more to it and that what we’re taught seemed rather narrow and somewhat hard to believe. What we felt we knew about God, simply didn’t fit what so many people always seemed to believe – quite adamantly, I might add. I really wanted to share more of what I knew to be true about God. I really felt that my small group would be open to listening to what I had to say and would benefit from hearing it. The problem however, was that we were too close to other groups and they may overhear what I wanted to share.
Not all of the groups at this faith retreat were ready to hear what I had to say, but I felt compelled to witness to my group and share with them as much as I could. Learning from each other was, after all, part of the reason we were all there. If only I could somehow find the right opportunity to speak with them. Just as I was drifting from the conversation trying to come up with ideas on how to share more, we heard a series of announcements over the loudspeaker. One by one, the other groups started to file out of the gathering area. The shelters around us began to empty as the various groups were directed to head toward their next seminar or class or workshop. Within minutes, only our group remained.
Somehow I knew this was not a coincidence. This was my opening. I knew what I had to do.
“Guys, there’s something I’d really like to share with all of you, but I haven’t known how to do it until now. You see, many of the other groups simply aren’t ready to hear what I have to say. But I believe you are and I believe we were all grouped together for a reason. This vary situation is proof in itself. God and our Guides or Angels are always with us. They protect us and look out for us and help us along on our journey. Even now, they have given me an opportunity to speak to you privately.”
Everyone in the group seemed willing to listen and even encouraged me to speak, so I continued. I started by explaining what I know to be true. I shared with them the portions of our faith that I know are simply not correct and what IS correct. I started filling in all of the gaps of the information they too felt just didn’t seem right. I helped explained how their “gut feelings” where correct about certain things and why nothing has ever sat terribly well. I explained why we all had so many doubts and questions about what we had learned or were being told. The more I spoke, the more alive I felt.
When I speak in front of others, and especially when I’m discussing such controversial topics as we were covering, I tend to get nervous. My body tenses and may even shake. Some of my words may begin to slur a little as I struggle to remain calm enough to speak clearly. This discussion was no different and my nerves seemed to be building. But as the symptoms worsened, I pushed through it. I didn’t know when I’d get another opportunity to share with my group what I knew of God. And they needed to hear it. They needed the confirmation. They were seeking answers and I knew I could provide them with that. I kept going, but as I did, the shakes turned to tremors and my vision became scattered. It was as if I was looking through an old television that was having trouble getting a clear signal from the antenna. But I pushed forward. This was too important to quit now.
My words were passionate. It felt very freeing to finally speak openly of what I knew to be true without worrying about offending anyone or being looked at like a lunatic or an outcast. I knew, without a doubt, that the words I spoke were true. I could feel it to my core. I had spoken to God and to my Guides many times about these things. I had asked my questions about faith and the Bible as we know it, and God confirmed what I already knew was the truth. This time I was finally able to share those things with others that were ready to hear it and who were also looking for the confirmation for themselves.
I’m not sure how long I went on. There was so much to say, but when I felt as if I had said enough. I stopped. My heart was pounding at that point. It felt like a good time to pause and reflect – to let others ask questions or join in on what I had hoped would spur more conversations. But no one spoke. They all just starred at me, in shock and complete awe. I’d almost say they were stunned and overwhelmed. I knew what I had to share with them was somewhat radical, but this wasn’t quite how I had envisioned it playing out. Something felt strange. Sharon broke the silence.
“Jen,” she swallowed. “You just Spoke!”
I turned my head and looked at her questioningly. It took me a moment to comprehend what she meant. I started to piece the stunned looks and the overwhelming feeling of awe that I was sensing empathically from the group. I nearly stumbled to my knees as her words repeated themselves in my head and the meaning began to take hold. I just Spoke, she said. The tremors and flickering vision all made sense now. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was just as overwhelmed by what had just happened as the others were. No one had seen anything like this in decades, generations, no, thousands of years! What Sharon meant when she said I Spoke was that while speaking, my body had risen above the ground. My arms stretched gently outward from my body and my feet remained pointed toward the ground. The words that came from my mouth were that of an Angel, or perhaps many of them. No one really knows. The words I Spoke sounded like melodic voices of many at once, chanting the message simultaneously. To me, it felt like my words, but to those witnessing the event, it was a Message from the Divine.
All we’d ever known of events like this was what we had read in history books. Witnessing the Spoken Word was, by large, believed to simply be a myth and made up events. In the least, the documented occurrences of those who Spoke were thought to be exaggerated. According to the records, there were only a handful of individuals who Spoke. It was also said that when someone witnesses the Spoken Word, they were hearing the words directly from an Archangel who temporarily assumes the body of a human messenger. It is an extremely rare phenomenon and clearly overwhelming to all involved. I certainly had never dreamed of witnessing such a message, let alone being the chosen messenger. These types of things were thought to something of the past, never to be seen again, if they had ever happened in the first place.
Somewhere back up by the entrance to the gathering area a man looked down the hill only to catch a glimpse of a silhouette of a body, suspended in the air just beyond the furthest shelter. The body then went limp and slowly returned to the ground where it became hidden by the people standing around it. Speechless, and unsure if he had just seen what he thought he had seen, he turned and ran back the way he came – back to the others.
After what seemed like hours, time once again started.
I looked around and the stunned faces and people began to fall to their knees. Some reached out to me or bowed their heads to the ground. I was now what would be considered a Prophet. I didn’t know how I felt about that. All I knew was that this would change everything. My life would never be the same again.
That’s where I woke. My heart was still pounding and I found myself wondering if the dream had some deeper meaning. Was that a message for me? Or was it simply a dream? The things that I was sharing or witnessing to everyone in the group are all of the things I struggle with in today’s society. I just simply can’t follow the norm when it comes to today’s versions of faith and Christianity. They don’t seem… right. Our current, generally followed beliefs, seem misguided to me. I can’t seem to find a way to comfortably fit the mold. It feels fake to me and if we’ve all lost sight of what truly is. It’s very hard to just ignore that. There are others that feel the same way I do about several things regarding God and faith. But folks that believe the way I do seem to be a rather closeted group. It’s just not something you can talk about without really offending people or making them feel extremely uncomfortable.
Was this just a dream, or was it a message for me too? If so, what exactly?